Preventing Jealousy Among Siblings

A lot of people were asking me how come my two boys are very close considering their age gap. Kayil is only 1 year and 5 months older than Mico. He was still a baby when I had Mico. Yes they fight a lot but they look after each other. Kayil was never jealous of Mico. They don’t know the word jealousy and envy. Why? Well because I prepared him and taught him how to love his younger brother.

I had him when I was 21.When I learned I was pregnant with him, I wasted no time researching for the things I needed to know. I browsed every site, every book sale for every book about pregnancy and parenting. Only lately that I realized that these books doesn’t offer it all. There are things that you can learn either through experience or hand me downs information (which I am too proud to accept), but that is another story. And when I learned I was pregnant with Mico, I know exactly what to do to prepare Kayil. Imagine he was only 8 months old then when I learned about Mico growing inside my tummy. I have to wean him, prepare him for the arrival and also to prepare him so as he would not be jealous with his younger brother.

The first I did is to tell him that I can only breastfeed him until he turns one. I told him he would be a big boy then and he should be on bottle instead of my breast. That was easy…and yes the day he turns one, he just stopped asking for my breast. I did not tell him that we need to stop breastfeeding because of the baby. I know it will affect his feelings of security and may lead him disliking the baby. The next thing I did is introduce him to the baby on my tummy. I told him that the baby is HIS. The baby is his younger baby and he needs to talk to him and play with and sing with him so he can recognize his Kuya or older brother. I never told him I could not carry him because the baby is in my tummy. I never use the baby as an excuse, we only talk about the baby as happily and playful as we could.

The hardest thing for me then was to talk with him about giving birth and that for a night or two I won’t be beside him. I don’t know if I worry for him or it is me I am worried about. Eventually, he was able to grasp the idea and was OK during the time that I was in the hospital.

I read from somewhere that Mommy should take note that when she arrives from the hospital, she should not be the one carrying the baby. So when I arrived home, I told my mom that she should get Mico from me before Kayil sees me. He was so glad to see me and was very excited to see his younger baby. All is well from then on but I never rest. I always make it a point that he is still on my priority. I bathe him, prepare his formula while Mico is on the crib. I sometimes let Mico cry when I am with him. Some really thought that I favor Kayil over Mico. They observed that I took care of Kayil more than the new born. It was not the case of course. The psychology behind this is the newborn won’t even know that I am ignoring him a bit in favor of his older brother where as the older brother is very aware of it. I have to prevent the thought of jealousy seeding into the mind of my first born. Of course it should also be controlled, I don’t want it to appear to him that I love the baby less. I also let him participate on taking care of the baby. I remembered from a book that it has an implication when parents prohibits the older kids to hold the baby fearing that it may hurt the baby. Supervision is the key, I involve him but under my careful supervision of course but without him knowing it.

And so now, they grew up loving each other and taking care of each other specially when I am not around. And why the heck am I telling you all of this? Oh I need this to remind me.. as you know, history repeats itself. Chico and Sati is less than two years apart too.