Kids Archive

What my kids are like, and how to raise your child/children in this day and age.

Preventing Jealousy Among Siblings

A lot of people were asking me how come my two boys are very close considering their age gap. Kayil is only 1 year and 5 months older than Mico. He was still a baby when I had Mico. Yes they fight a lot but they look after each other. Kayil was never jealous of Mico. They don’t know the word jealousy and envy. Why? Well because I prepared him and taught him how to love his younger brother.

I had him when I was 21.When I learned I was pregnant with him, I wasted no time researching for the things I needed to know. I browsed every site, every book sale for every book about pregnancy and parenting. Only lately that I realized that these books doesn’t offer it all. There are things that you can learn either through experience or hand me downs information (which I am too proud to accept), but that is another story. And when I learned I was pregnant with Mico, I know exactly what to do to prepare Kayil. Imagine he was only 8 months old then when I learned about Mico growing inside my tummy. I have to wean him, prepare him for the arrival and also to prepare him so as he would not be jealous with his younger brother.

The first I did is to tell him that I can only breastfeed him until he turns one. I told him he would be a big boy then and he should be on bottle instead of my breast. That was easy…and yes the day he turns one, he just stopped asking for my breast. I did not tell him that we need to stop breastfeeding because of the baby. I know it will affect his feelings of security and may lead him disliking the baby. The next thing I did is introduce him to the baby on my tummy. I told him that the baby is HIS. The baby is his younger baby and he needs to talk to him and play with and sing with him so he can recognize his Kuya or older brother. I never told him I could not carry him because the baby is in my tummy. I never use the baby as an excuse, we only talk about the baby as happily and playful as we could.

The hardest thing for me then was to talk with him about giving birth and that for a night or two I won’t be beside him. I don’t know if I worry for him or it is me I am worried about. Eventually, he was able to grasp the idea and was OK during the time that I was in the hospital.

I read from somewhere that Mommy should take note that when she arrives from the hospital, she should not be the one carrying the baby. So when I arrived home, I told my mom that she should get Mico from me before Kayil sees me. He was so glad to see me and was very excited to see his younger baby. All is well from then on but I never rest. I always make it a point that he is still on my priority. I bathe him, prepare his formula while Mico is on the crib. I sometimes let Mico cry when I am with him. Some really thought that I favor Kayil over Mico. They observed that I took care of Kayil more than the new born. It was not the case of course. The psychology behind this is the newborn won’t even know that I am ignoring him a bit in favor of his older brother where as the older brother is very aware of it. I have to prevent the thought of jealousy seeding into the mind of my first born. Of course it should also be controlled, I don’t want it to appear to him that I love the baby less. I also let him participate on taking care of the baby. I remembered from a book that it has an implication when parents prohibits the older kids to hold the baby fearing that it may hurt the baby. Supervision is the key, I involve him but under my careful supervision of course but without him knowing it.

And so now, they grew up loving each other and taking care of each other specially when I am not around. And why the heck am I telling you all of this? Oh I need this to remind me.. as you know, history repeats itself. Chico and Sati is less than two years apart too.

The Kids Are Dreaming

They say that when a bay smiles while he is asleep, it means that he is dreaming or being played by his angle. The angle part, I dunno but the dreaming part, maybe yes. Scientifically, when a new born smiles, it is just a gas passing out of his mouth.

Have you ever wonder if your kids are really dreaming or if they knew they are dreaming and if they can comprehend what is happening after they close their eyes?

I do and I observed my kids. As you know I have three subjects that I can closely observe and enough to make my own theory. From my experiences with my kids I learned that kids do have dreams. They dream but only in a certain age when they become aware of it, only a certain age when they can separate it from reality. Given a lot of practice and a lot of encouragement from you, time will come that they can relate it to you clearly.

When I had my first born, there was a time when in the middle of the night he would scream and kick and no amount of soothing can make him stop. It took more or less a year before he overcomes that. From time to time I would ask him why he would suddenly scream or cry and he can’t even remember that he cried. It took us a lot of nights and a lot of encouragement and questioning before he finally realized what is happening. It was very apparent that he was dreaming; only he can’t separate his dreams from reality. So finally when he recognized the difference of his dream from the real world, another struggle comes to life. It is how to encourage him to remember his dreams. For a time, we were not successful but now he can actually tell his dreams in full details.

I came to a conclusion (about the dream pattern) when Mico was in that screaming and kicking stage too. At age 3 they become aware of the dream and yet they cannot separate it from reality. They perceived their dreams as a real life experience and yet they are still too young to remember about it when they wake up. Turning 4, little by little, they understood what dream is all about. Life would be much much easier if parents would help them in understanding their dreams. Around 4 they are now in full control of their sleeping pattern (thanks to you mom and dad). Dreams no longer bother them but still unable to relate it to you clearly. At the age of 5, this is the time when they would endlessly talk about their dream in full animation.

So Mommy and Daddy what we need to do during the difficult stage of our baby?
Don’t think of yourself less when there will come a time that o amount of soothing can make them stop.
Don’t scream at them during these nights, no matter how tired you are, they are not aware of what is happening to them.
Talk to them, discuss about it, make them try to remember it but not force them to.

Chico’s still not experiencing this stage but I can say I can handle him now with ease, thanks to my two guinea pigs.

My Monkeys in Rain Forest

I was really curious about this place near us, a good 5 minute drive, er, 10 minutes including the numerous humps on the way (our village is famous for that). The Pasig Rainforest is located in Pasig, where else? Kidding aside, it is somewhere in floodway or near it. I can’t remember the exact location..

The park was really big but not as forestry as La Mesa Eco Park. You can do a lot inside the park, run, play tennis, animal sight seeing (they have a small zoo), swim, and they have a gym too. The best thing to do here is sit on the grass and watch your kiddos turn from humans to monkeys..

And having fun at the green, green green grass.. even Chico loves to play on it